Doc Hop

Three of my closest friends (and sycophants) came all the way from Athens, Ohio to sunny California to visit me this week, and in five days we visited just as many SoCal hot spots — Joshua Tree, Palm Springs, Long Beach, Laguna Beach, and Hollywood! This trip has been more than half a year in the making, but we created a whole lifetime of happy memories. I’m going to hold them in my heart forever.

(P.S. I don’t really think my friends are sycophants, it’s an inside joke. They’ll get it, you don’t have to. It’s kind of a geography joke — you had to be there.)

We all worked together at Jackie O’s, Yontz and I in the kitchen, and Jess (aka Adami) and Meg in the front of house. So much has changed for all of us since then, but our friendship has remained a constant in all our lives, and for that I am truly grateful. I’m also grateful that we made this trip happen, because as much as I love it out here, I sure have been missing my friends. Two years is far, far too long!

And we had so much fun! Grab a water and a small plate of food. Perhaps crack a beer or spark up a bowl. Whatever you do, kick your feet up. This is a long one, but a fun one. (That’s what she said.)

Thursday, July 16: Arrival Day, Joshua Tree

Our five-day friends trip began around 10:30 a.m. on Thursday, when I picked the gang up from the Fifth Street metro station in Long Beach. The train is super convenient from LAX, but parking and rush hour traffic are not, so I was grateful that I did not have to pick them up from the airport, even if it would have meant spending an extra hour together. But our timing worked out perfectly, and I was parking and rounding the corner just as their train was arriving. And boy, was I happy to throw my arms around three of my truest friends!

It took us a minute to get everything loaded into the car, because I’d left my bike rack on for so long that it made my back hatch inoperable. The gang had spent the past five hours on crowded planes and trains, and I made them travel all the way to breakfast and my place with their suitcases on their laps! (In retrospect, I could have just removed the bike rack there and everything would have been fine, but my brain was not moving that fast at that moment.) So instead I did the next best thing and took them to breakfast at the Coffee Cup Cafe.

I bring everyone who visits me to the Coffee Cup and everyone always loves it, and this trip was no different. I had the huevos rancheros and the ladies ordered the soy chorizo tacos. I can’t remember what Yontz had, but it was all DELICIOUS, that I remember for sure. But the company was even better! I say it time and time again, and I mean it every time — one of the biggest things I miss about having friends around is being able to share a meal with people I love. So even though we’d share lots of amazing food this trip, this first breakfast together really meant a lot to me. And I was so happy that I forgot to take a photo!

From the Coffee Cup we hopped over to King’s Crew, so that everyone had plenty of weed for the trip. Meg and Adami bought edibles, and Yontz and I bought vape pens, all of which came in clutch over the next five days. (I feel like Bob Saget in Half Baked. “Have you ever been to the desert? Well, have you ever been to the desert high, man?”)

My place was the final stop before hitting the road to Joshua Tree, which was the first big thing we had planned for this trip. We rented out a cute little Airbnb — The Sonoran Traveler — and planned to start our week off with a birthday trip to the desert! (My birthday is the 18th, Yontz’s is the 25th, and Jess’s is the 29th.) I’d never been, but it’s been a long time dream of mine, and I’m so grateful that I got to go with such dear friends!)

While Yontz and I figured out the bike rack/trunk issue, Meg and Adami repacked and changed out of their airplane clothes. Yontz and Adami also took a shower, so I think everyone was much more comfortable heading into the two-hour drive. At the very least it gave the group time to stretch their legs and say hello to Bernstein and Miss Rotten. (Lemon didn’t even bark at them! She said, “Oh, finally. I’ve been waiting and waiting for you guys to come and see me. How’s Ohio?”)

Before long we hopping on the 405 and driving to the desert, where we belong. (Side note: This is sure to be the first of MANY jokes surrounding SNL’s The Californians. We riffed on it literally all weekend. It started as a joke, and then just became something we did.)

Yontz was my navigator for the whole ride in, and outside of some heavy traffic leaving the city, we made pretty decent time. At the very least we made it to the desert without nearly running out of gas, which is more than I could say about my road trip to Big Sur! We knew we had made it to our location when we started seeing Joshua trees popping up along our route!

We passed an Aldi on the way in, so we decided to stop in for the essentials before driving the extra 10 minutes to our Airbnb. We got snacks and stuff for family dinner and family breakfast — tofu stir fry, eggs, muffins, water, chips, Cheetos, and some birthday cheesecake that we forgot about and left for the next guests. Oh, and cosmic cookies (like the brownies!), which we also forgot about that first night, but snacked on for the remainder of the trip. Jess used to work at the Athens, Ohio Aldi, so she knew exactly where to find everything, even from across the entire country!

We made it to our Airbnb around 5ish, give or take. After getting into our unit and dropping off our stuff, Yontz made me a (much needed) ginger and Jameson, and we all walked the grounds. And LORDY, LORDY — this place was COOL!!

I know it’s redundant to describe a room in Joshua Tree as having “desert vibes,”but this place had TOTAL DESERT VIBES!

There were cacti and pieces of art and sculpture all around the premises and it was just a short walk to the pool. There were five units within the little compound area where we were staying, but I never saw another person the entire time we were there. We had the whole thing to ourselves! Even so, our unit opened into a small, fenced in area, so we would have had total privacy regardless. It was the loveliest mix of desert browns and greens with the wide open blue sky. I don’t think I could have envisioned a more perfect setting for this trip if I tried. I would not have changed a single thing, even if it meant having an extra bedroom.

It was the perfect place for the perfect birthday trip! Our own, private desert oasis!

After we’d unpacked and unwound a bit, we decided to head back into town to check out some local entertainment. We would have headed to into the park, but it’s $30 a day, and we didn’t have a terribly long amount of day light left. So instead we stopped by the Joshua Tree Saloon for some drinks and a couple of rounds of pool.

(On the way in we stopped by the gift stop next door, and Jess bought me a Joshua Tree coffee mug for my birthday, which I’ve used every single day since she left! I said on the drive in that I wanted to pick up a coffee mug while I was there, and she got me the most perfect one! I think of our trip and our friendship every time I take a sip from it.)

Now — I don’t drink all that often these days, and when I do, it’s usually at a concert or a drag show, and 98 percent of the time I am surrounded by complete strangers. It was SO NICE to let my hair down with friends again! When I tell you it was just like no time at all had passed since we were killing time at The Union in the exact same manner!

And speaking of The Union, after a few beers (I had an old fashioned) and a few rounds of pool, we decided to hop on over to the Tiny Pony, which kind of reminded me of the ol’ Onion, for those of you reading who know. Dark walls. Kind of dive bar feel to it, even though it definitely makes money. I really liked it there, and I think that if I lived in Joshua Tree, it would be my place for a wild night. As few and far between as they may be these days.

Yontz and Jess made a brief attempt at pool and we all took loads of photo booth photos before heading out to the patio. (The photo booth was SO FUN! It was Megan’s idea because she’s been obsessed with them lately, and now I am too. I usually never know what to do in these things, but this time it all just came naturally! #Friendship!! #Andalsoprobablytheoldfashioned)

We were all hanging out on the porch when two people Yontz, Meg, and Jess knew, Sam and Lexi, came over to join us. Sam also worked at Jackie O’s and they happened to be at Joshua Tree celebrating their honeymoon. And also happened to come to the Tiny Pony! Small world! I didn’t know them from my time there because they started after I left, but they were really nice, and I had a good time getting to know them a little bit. (Again, I forgot to get a photo.)

We all shared a drink and a joint before parting ways and heading back to our Airbnbs. Because at this point we were all hungry, and between driving all day and being with my friends again, I was ready to really let loose.

And boy, did I! The second we walked in the door, I poured myself a drink, changed into my bathing suit, and met the girls in the pool! (Meg was already out there, swimming alone in the dark, dark night, and practically inviting some psychopath to hop in and murder her to death. We watch the same horror movies, I know she knows this!) Jess and I jumped right on in with her, for safety and for fun, and we had a TIME!!

And where was Yontz, you might ask? Good question. Because he was making us dinner! He was chopping and cooking away on the hot stove while we were hooting and hollarin’ in desert waters! In all seriousness though, it was REALLY good, and just what we needed. He made a tofu teriyaki stir fry with green beans, peppers, and mushrooms, over rice, and it was absolutely perfect. I found myself going back again and again to munch on leftover tofu and snap peas.

We took a break from swimming to eat dinner, but you best believe that we were right back in the water as soon as the dishes were cleared, and this time Yontz was right along with us. It was right around this time that the pool lights started changing colors and we all started skinny dipping, because — why not?! We had the whole place to ourselves! What else were we supposed to do with that kind of freedom on desert compound?! Plus, Jess started it. She dropped her drawers so she could flip better, and I followed suit. Birthday suit! 🤣 🙈

We all walked back to our unit in various states of undress and changed into warm and comfy clothes once we got there. Well, dry clothes. It was still hot out. And for a long time we all just sat outside star gazing and talking over music until the gang started to fall off to sleep. We don’t see too many stars in LA because of all the light pollution, so I definitely took a moment to just lay around in awe of them. Basking in their natural splendor.

Yontz and Adami shared the room with the bunk beds, and they were sawing some logs by the time I came inside! I’m a notoriously bad sleeper, and I can’t with any sort of snoring, so I started in bed with Megan, but quickly moved to the patio seat, and then ultimately to my car, where I eventually fell asleep. More on that later.

Friday, July 17: Joshua Tree and Palm Springs

I think I got about three or four hours of sleep in my car, when I was startled awake by a very gentle knocking, and promptly flew into a panic, because I was butt ass naked. I’d been running my AC off and on but I didn’t want to waste gas all night, so at some point I just stripped down to cool off instead. That morning Jess walked around the entire compound looking for me, afraid she’d find me floating face down in the pool, but instead she found me in my backseat. When she told Megan that the windows were all up, Megan jumped into action and decided to very politely tap on my window. You know, to ensure I wasn’t suffocating to death in the desert heat. (We did struggle with child locks the first half of the drive, so it’s not impossible that I could have gotten myself stuck, I suppose.) Everything except my ego was fine.

A day away from 40 and waking up naked in public! How embarrassing! But Megan said it was exactly what was needed to set the tone for the trip, so at least the vibes were high. We laughed and laughed about it for the rest of the weekend, and Megan even said that it was in her top five trip moments! (I do what I can, and my butt does the rest!)

Other than my naked ass, it was a peaceful and beautiful morning! We were all up with the sun, and Yontz made us the most amazing eggies that I’ve ever had in my entire life. He said it’s just salt, pepper, and making sure not to overcook them, but these eggs were incredible on a level that I just have not ever experienced before in my entire life. We requested them literally all week. We also had muffins, but I didn’t eat mine. Even though I requested a mixed berry and not a lemon blueberry. The eggs were just SO GOOD!

After breakfast we all got a little high and walked around the compound for some fresh morning air. We found about three piles of animal poops, which we assumed came from a coyote. One was right inside our fenced in yard, so I’m glad I’d made it to my car by the time that critter came scurrying around. (I assume.)

The Airbnb had a guest book, and we made sure to sign it before leaving that morning. Yontz wrote something real about our trip, but I just wrote “Lordy, Lordy, I’m 40!” Jess told the next people who stayed there to eat the cheesecake. (It would have melted in the car, so there was just no way to take it with us.) Megan left her full name, so that future guests could find her on socials. Then we locked up and hit the road.

I was in desperate need of a coffee, so our first stop was the Joshua Tree Coffee Company for oak milk lattes. And would you believe me if I said the coffee was just as good as the eggies we had that morning? Absolutely INCREDIBLE! I find about 90 percent of the iced coffees I order to be extremely lackluster, but this might have been the best one of my entire life. I know I’ve thrown those words a lot already in this blog, and I’m only on day two, but you are just going to have to believe me. Maybe everything just tastes better in the desert. 🤷 🌵

We made it to the Joshua Tree National Park entrance around 9:30, at which point it was already heating up. It was in the 90s-100s the entire time we were in the desert, so we tried to get moving earlyish. In retrospect, it would have made more sense to start hiking around 6 a.m. to really beat the heat. That said, we had reservations at the Trixie Motel (!!!) in Palm Springs for 3:30 p.m., so had to kill a large chunk of the day in the park regardless.

The park ranger working the entrance booth was a total babe, and I messed with him a little, on behalf of Jess. She didn’t believe me when I told her that you could enter national parks for free if you told the toll worker that you were there to partake in some sort of religious observance. So I told the guy that we were there to pray and he was about to let us drive right in. But, of course, I’m not going to nickel and dime the national park service, so I quickly told him I was just kidding. But then he asked if anyone in the car was 60-plus, and those were fighting words! So everything else out of my mouth was said with the intention of fucking with him. 60-plus? Yes. Former military? Yes. We had a good ol’ time pranking and laughing, but eventually I left the poor kid alone and we continued on our way. He did give us a map though, when came in exceptionally handy when we all lost reception. (Time for the UFOs to come buzzing in to scoop us up!)

We spent the next two and half hours hiking through the desert and it was HOT HOT HOT, BABY! And also COOL COOL COOL, because it was definitely an experience like no other! I’m not a geologist or a botanist by any stretch of the imagination, but we saw some pretty neat rocks, plants, and critters!

Our first stop was not at any particularly landmark, but rather just some cool rocks that we saw from the road and decided to check out. We didn’t have a path to follow, so we just free-styled it to the parts most interesting!

Megan’s edible was hitting, so every rock she found looked really cool, but she did find one in particular that was exceptionally neat and decided to take it home with her. (Even though collecting is frowned upon in all of California, and I don’t think you’re technically supposed to transport anything across borders.) We also got some really cool group photos using the timer feature, which I think could make for a great album cover if we ever got the band back together.

Skull Rock was our next stop, and it was definitely my hiking highlight. This stop was right off the road, but it was also the start of a 1.5-ish mile discovery trail, designed for and by kids. There were little nature guides along the path with fun rock and animal facts. It was an easy walk through some really cool spots, and Jess took so many photos that her phone ran out of space for them all! We passed a few groups of people, but for the most part we had the path to ourselves, and we definitely took the opportunity to share a joint along the way. And we saw the cutest lizards and chipmunks!

Our next and last stop was an attempt to see the arches, but we missed our turn off, and ended up just taking a nice long hike through the desert. I was initially bummed that we missed it, but we were surrounded by so much beauty that it was hard to be disappointed about anything. And it just gives us all excuse to come back and catch it next time! Which we will definitely do. I want to stay in the same Airbnb and everything! (Maybe with a second suite…)

At this point in the day we were all pretty hungry and THIRSTY for some ice cold H2O! We had planned to go to Más o Menos for lunch, but their food menu was kind of wanting for how hungry we were, so we pivoted to Yucca Kabob instead. The place was pretty much just your every day Mediterranean diner (think Souvlakis for my Athens people), but the food was great, even if the vibes were lackluster. I had a falafel and fries, and Jess was super sweet and walked next door to get me a Red Bull because I was dreadfully sleepy during the last bit of the drive over. It was just what I needed to power through.

Yontz took over the drive to Palm Springs after lunch, and my body was so exhausted that I really appreciated the break. (But it was the first time I’ve let someone else drive my car, so that part made me a little nervous!) We still had some time to kill, and the used bookstore we had intended to visit was closed, so we ended up at Más o Menos for drinks and ice water.

Más o Menos is present on every list of places to visit in Joshua Tree, and I can absolutely see why. The front of house was entirely manned by laid back lesbians, and it felt extremely welcoming and chill. It was a small place, but airy and open, and full of really cool drawings and art work. Again, if I lived in or near Joshua Tree, I could absolutely see myself spanning some time here with a book and a cocktail or coffee. The group had a couple of drinks while I had an ice water, and the girls changed into their cutest garb for Trixie. We were back on the road around 2 p.m., which gave up plenty of time to make our 3:30 reservation in Palm Springs. (I also brought clothes to change into, but they were all wet…)

Our first stop was The Best Bookstore in Palm Springs, and if you think that’s false advertising — think again! Because it’s the ONLY bookstore in Palm Springs, which automatically makes it the best one!

Yontz and Adami ran to find a bathroom, while Meg and I looked around and got to talking with the worker on duty. She was so nice! She heard me talking about Heartstopper and gave me a goody bag of free swag to promote the latest graphic novel, which included the author’s autograph! Super cool! (Of course, my initial comment on the show wasn’t terribly positive. I was telling Megan that it drove me nuts that the main characters lost their virginities to each other by not having sex. Look, I like the show, but after Heated Rivalry, I just can’t with the edging. I will note, however, that this shop had the entire Game Changers collection!) Anyway, I bought a book, mainly because after getting the free stuff I felt like I had to purchase something. I bought They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera, which I’ve been wanting to read anyway. And now I’ll always think of it as my Palm Springs read! Yontz bought Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb.

Yontz and Adami met back up with us at the bookstore, and we had about 20 minutes left to kill, so we stopped in for drinks and water at Bill’s Pizza, which was right next door. Again, I just had a water, because your boy was dehydrated, but the gang threw back some brewskis. Our server was from New York and he was really cool and chatty with us about working to get the rest of his family to Cali. (He was just the first New Yorker we would get to know this trip, but more on that later.)

We left Bill’s at 3:15 p.m. and pulled up to the Trixie Motel right on time for our 3:30 p.m. reservations! And GIRL!! It was a fucking dream come true. I can try to put it in words, but know that nothing I say will ever be enough.

I was geeking out the second we saw the pink fence and Trixie cactus garden! I don’t know if I was skipping or sprinting to the entrance, but we had to buzz to get inside like on The Wizard of Oz, and by that point I was literally buzzing myself! The hostess who let us in was super cool and super chill, and asked if we were there celebrating anything. We told her it was my birthday and she told me to stop by the gift shop on the way out! Then she led us right on inside to the Barbara Bar!

And again — I just don’t know where to start, because the entire experience was literally a dream come true. It was somehow even better than I had ever imagined it. We got the center table, right in the middle of the bar, and ordered a round of drinks and margarita pesto pizza for the table before going absolutely WILD with photos! We took SO MANY. I ordered a “Pink Flamingo” and a “Trixie Motel,” because those seemed the most fitting, and the pizza was delish. (I looooove sun dried tomatoes.) We hadn’t planned on getting food, but I’m really glad we did. I wanted to experience absolutely everything I could while we were there!

Our server/bartender was also incredible — Chad! He’d been with the Trixie Motel for a month and had not met Trixie yet. (Which is kind of funny, because I HAVE met Trixie, and I made sure to tell him.) He said she only comes in about four times a year, but that David Silver is around much more often. He was friendly and charming and he took all the photos for and with us that we could ask for. (And we asked for a lot.) His replacement was more of a cunty gay, which I also loved.

Adami and Yontz played the arcade machine while Meg and I hosted our own little photoshoots, and we had food and two rounds of drinks before calling it and heading back to Long Beach. I will definitely be back for an overnight stay, because one afternoon was just not long enough!

We made sure to stop by the gift shop on the way out, where I received a complementary birthday card and bought a keychain. It was there that we got to check out part of Trixie’s extensive Barbie collection and her All Stars 3 crown. (I asked if I could try it on, and the hostess said I could for $100 cash, on the spot. If I had cash on me, I 100 percent would have taken that offer. Next time. 🤞 🤞)

Adami bought some shirts for her and Megan and a couple of pens for me and her. I’m going to write so many important things with it!

After some pics by the pool, Adami drove us home from Palm Springs, and again — I was super grateful! I took the wheel for the remainder of their visit, but it was nice to have a break from the road after such a terrible night’s sleep.

We stopped by my place before heading to the Long Beach Airbnb so that I could shower, grab a change of clothes, and check in on Lemon. Jess tried to walk her while I was getting my stuff together, but Lemon’s not exactly trained. Jess had to carry her across the parking lot and let her run home to her momma. And Meg hopped on my bike! Hers is the only butt but mine that’s ever been on it!

From my place we made a quick Target run so that the group could pick up some stuff for margaritas and snacks. I picked up a coffee from Starbucks while I was there, and made small talk with my barista friends, whom the crew DID NOT meet. (I’m convinced that no one here really believes that I have friends because they never see me with any.)

From there we were off to our second Airbnb in downtown Long Beach, which had a personality uniquely it’s own. And by unique, I mean that it looks like pornos are shot there. (I mean, do you see the purple room? It’s fucking wild.)

Megan actually found a rather alarming review about the Airbnb the next day, written from when the place clearly had not been fully renovated. We did not experience any similar issues, but the tone of the review and the host’s response had us ROLLING in laughter and became an inside joke for the entire trip. Let’s just say, I’m glad we did not get on Adam’s bad side! Jeez!

I was borderline hangry by the time we found a parking spot, so I absolutely devoured my leftover falafel and fries once we unloaded my car and got inside. (Don’t judge me, I didn’t get sick.) But after taking a look around the place and settling in, we were ready to hit the town!

We decided to go to the V Room nearby for drinks. Meg, Adami, and I went right in, but Yontz grabbed some street tacos from across the street and met us inside. He’d been talking about street tacos for months leading up to this trip, and said that it was his favorite meal of his entire vacation! Very fitting. LA is known for its tacos, and the street is where you find the real authentic stuff.

The V Room was cool, but we really did not stay there long at all. The gang got a round of beers, I got a Sprite, and we left shortly after Yontz arrived. I guess we were all beat after such an action packed and exhausting day!

We stopped at another convenience store on the way back to the Airbnb, where we watched Drag Race All Stars and slowly began to fall off to sleep. Yontz went to bed first, and that’s when Meg and Adami ate all of his queso. Meg went to bed right before the final lip syncs, but Adami and I stayed up for the whole thing. And I must say that I am so incredibly happy for both Joey Jay and Crystal Method. I’ve been a long time Crystal fan, but Joey really won my heart this season. I was so proud of her, and so happy to see her so proud of herself.

One of my happiest moments of the evening was when Adami set an alarm for midnight so that she could be the first one to wish me a happy birthday, and Yontz brought me a cosmic cookie with a match stuck in it so I could make a wish! But I didn’t even have anything to wish for, because I had absolutely everything I could ever want right with me.

Yontz took the porn room, Meg and Adami shared the Beetlejuice room, and I took the couch, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, and that was a wrap on our first night in Long Beach. (I’m just kidding. I never play the “birthday card.” Especially not at 40.)

Saturday, July 18: Long Beach (and my birthday!)

Lordy, Lordy — I turned 40! And for the first time in ages, I got to celebrate the day with friends! This was probably the least packed day of our trip, but it was still remarkably fun filled! (I guess it was the people I was spending it with!) Also — by this point my voice was nearly completely busted. It was gone from laughing so hard. Which is the best way to lose it.

Anyway — I headed back to my house early in the a.m., while everyone else was still snoozing, so I could check on Lemon before we officially started the day. (It was also super cold, I only had two sheets for bedding, and the couch was held together by giant hooks.) I’d been feeling guilty about leaving the pets alone so much the past few days that I decided to hang with them until the gang woke up. As soon as I received word that people were rising and shining, I headed right back over. Yontz went on a morning walk to Alamitos Beach and out for some groceries, and I grabbed a free birthday horchata from Starbucks on my way in. A venti!

Yontz was starting breakfast when I arrived — eggies! And sausage and bagels, but all my heart cared about were eggs. I guess the girls didn’t like Yontz’s cinnamon raisin bagels, because they went out to grab their own everything ones. They were gone by the time I got in, but they were back in time for us to all have breakfast together. And I requested more eggies anyway. (I couldn’t get enough, I tell ya!)

It was our first real morning together in Long Beach, and we really just spent it relaxing and enjoying each others company. Thursday and Friday had been intensely jam packed, so it was nice to have a somewhat lazy morning, leisuring around the Airbnb, watching old music videos. Even though we woke up early, by the time we started the day I felt pretty well rested. And ready to PARTY!! We were walking everywhere this day, so I was ready to let loose!

Our first big event for the day was drag brunch at Hamburger Mary’s at 1 p.m. Megan and I have been to loads of drag shows together, but this was Adami and Yontz’s very first one! What an awesome first show, and I am so happy that I was able to be a part of it! We all had our dollars ready!

We ordered a round of $5 shots, a round of drinks, and an appetizer platter for the table, with onion rings, fried pickles, chicken tenders, mac and cheese balls, and fries, plus all sorts of sauces. My drink was practically a fish bowl, so it was the only one I ordered, but I needed it for what came next.

Everyone who has ever been to Hamburger Mary’s knows that they invite everyone who is celebrating a birthday up to the stage to showcase their best dance moves. We’d been talking about it for two days, and I was wavering back and forth about whether I wanted to do it, but agreed to go up only if Yontz and Adami also went, since we were all celebrating birthdays in the next week and half. Jewels asked everyone who was there celebrating a birthday to stand, and then she said that since we were all standing we should find our way to the stage! I’ve seen this happen so many times, and she still tricked me! But it wasn’t too painful, because I had my friends with me!

Yontz was the biggest hit though, because he got super roasted for being straight, with his Last Podcast on the Left shirt on! He tried to “Alaska” his way right out of it too, by mentioning her appearance on the pod a couple of weeks ago! It was also so funny and so fun! Watch the video below to see us embarrass ourselves. (I had the full video up in this post, but it was censored to 18+ audiences. You can find it here.)

But it didn’t stop there! Yontz got extra attention the entire show! All the queens were giving him their full attention, and in turn Yontz was giving them all of his dollars! He deposited them right to their boobies! (At their request, he is a gentleman, after all. And I am too, because I did the same thing!)

Jess was also pretty popular, because at one point a queen twirled her pony! I believe it was the same queen who performed Barbie Girl, which was just perfect, because Jess is definitely a Barbie girl!! (That’s part of the reason she loved the Trixie Motel so much! Pink everything! Barbie’s galore! The whole place was practically Malibu Barbie’s dream house!) We all had a rip roaring good time, and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my birthday than with great drag and greater friends!

After the show we stuck around to take photos with the local queens, and since it was my birthday the group made me do a photoshoot in the throne. It was my first time getting a photo with Jewels, and she is pretty much the face of drag in Long Beach, so that was very cool! And I got to sit next to my favorite queen for the group photo, so I was living large, BABY!! (Not pictured — our photo booth photos! I didn’t even realize Hamburger Mary’s had one, until Megan pointed it out and drew us in! They didn’t turn out as well as the ones at the Tiny Pony, but it was still fun to take them.)

After brunch we headed back to the Airbnb to recharge ourselves and our devices for a bit, before an afternoon/evening at the beach. We drank a little and I smoked a lot, and then we walked our butts on down to Alamitos Beach, where Yontz had walked early that morning.

I thought it was pretty chilly, but Jess jumped right on into that ocean and never looked back! She’d been talking about the beach for so long, that it warmed my whole heart to watch her embrace the waves with hers. I hadn’t changed into my bathing suit, but I wouldn’t have gotten in regardless. With time I could have eased in, but it was just a bit too frigid for me. I got in up to my knees, but that was about as far as I made it.

After dipping our toes in the Pacific Ocean we all grabbed drinks at Gaucho Beach — an open air bar, right on the sand. I ordered a drink that reminded me of the blue milk in Star Wars, and both Yontz and our server agreed. We only stayed for a quick drink, because at this point it had been awhile since brunch, and we were a hankering for dinner. At least I know I was! I was so hungry I almost ordered chocolate ice cream instead of my drink! But spoiler alert — ice cream would come later.

We decided on Thai food for dinner and went to Kin, which was another absolutely amazing choice! We split some veggie spring rolls with glass noodles, fresh avocado and a peanut sauce, and then I ordered the spicy pad Thai with tofu. Megan got the same thing, and Adami got eggplant. I forgot to take a photo until we were all just about done, because it was so freaking amazing that I didn’t even think of it. In fact, almost everyone listed this as their top meal of the trip. (Yontz picked tacos.) But I was the happiest one, because I got to share a meal with friends on my birthday! And I was so grateful! My best birthday since leaving Athens, for sure!

After dinner we walked on over to the 7-11 for ice, because no way was Jess going to drink any (more) warm tequila. (We had gotten all the stuff to make margaritas earlier, but didn’t realize our Airbnb did not have any ice trays or an ice machine.)

Back at the Airbnb we sat back to unwind over some more drinks, but everyone was pretty beat and dropping off relatively early. Yontz put on Star Wars: A New Hope, which was the perfect end to another perfect day. (I guess my blue milk drink inspired him!)

Jess suggested that it might be easier and less stressful if I slept at home, rather than running back and forth to take care of Lemon, and I could not have agreed more. (I was actually quite grateful that she suggested it, as I hadn’t been sleeping very well outside of my own bed.) Once everyone was headed to bed I boogied on home to my girl for some more birthday cuddles. She’s rotten, but she’s one of the most precious gifts I got, and I’m glad I got to end my birthday with her curled up beside me.

Sunday, July 19: Laguna Beach

The gang slept in just a bit later on Sunday, but I drove over the second I heard that everyone was beginning to get moving. Yontz made bagel sandwiches for the group, but you know that Megan and I just wanted plain ol’ eggies! Jess was out when I arrived, picking up stuff for breakfast mimosas. Fancy! I only had a few sips, because I was driving us all the way to Laguna Beach that morning, which is just about an hour away. But what I had was dang tasty!

Southern California has some of the most beautiful beaches in the country (and maybe the world), and we planned to spend our Sunday at one of the very loveliest — Thousand Steps. This is another spot that I’ve wanted to visit since moving here, so I was super excited to experience another first with my friends!

On the drive over Jess discovered that the hospital nearby has free beach parking on weekends, which was super convenient, because parking is the most annoying part of going anywhere in LA and Orange counties. We packed pretty light, because even though there weren’t a thousand steps down to the beach, there were 220. (Yontz counted 219, but the worker at the top of the steps said he was one off. I told him to go back down and count again, but he didn’t wanna.) The steps down to the beach weren’t so bad, but coming back up was killer.

But also — would you just look at this view from the steps? Incredible. It takes my breath away like Shane Hollander’s freckles takes Ilya’s. (Also — props to Megan, because she took almost all of my favorite photos this trip. She’s got a great eye.)

Once we made it down to the beach, we threw our towels on the sand and lathered ourselves up in sunscreen. I brought my bathing suit with me, but I didn’t feel like driving in it. Turns out the waves were so fierce that people weren’t allowed to get in past their knees anyway. (We found that out when the lifeguard stopped Adami from rolling around in the tide. Even though he was letting all the boys back flip into it, which I don’t think was fair. I don’t think she looked that much more likely to drown than anyone else who was getting in the water. And one dude was way out past the break in the waves in a floaty boat or some shit! Explain that!)

Anyway. We hung out at our spot and watched the waves crash in for awhile, which was incredibly relaxing. (I thought Yontz was gonna fall right asleep!) I didn’t take an edible, but I wish I had, because I can only imagine that it was absolutely perfect at a place like this.

We gathered up our stuff and walked the length of the beach a bit later. We found the spot where you can usually walk out onto the rocks to some shallow tide pools and nearby coves. But with the waves being so rough and the surf being so high, that part of the beach was closed off. It was a bummer, but it was a beautiful spot regardless, and the skim boarders were entertaining enough. And again — it’s just another excuse to come back and check out what I missed. (I’d love to bring a book with me sometime. I thought of bringing one, but who wants to read with friends around?! I mean, I do…but I didn’t.)

The drive back to Long Beach from Laguna felt a bit longer than the ride there, but that was probably because my legs and lungs were burning from the 220 steps back up to the road! (Or because everyone was falling asleep on me!)

By the time we made it back to the Airbnb I was starved and so was Megan. I was trying to wait for tacos, but everyone was hanging out and showering (not at the same time), and I found myself scarfing down my left over pad Thai from the night before. After that I was fine to hang out with an ice cold margarita for a bit until dinner, when we all walked over to La Taqueria Brand.

I had two vampiros — one vegan a pastor and one vegan chorizo and potatoes. They were so incredibly good, but I still couldn’t finish it all after the left over pad Thai earlier. To quote the Terminator — “I’ll be back.” I made Meg, Yontz, and Adami help me eat the one I couldn’t finish. Also, Yontz got a huge agua fresca, and it look super cold and refreshing. They had a horchata one I might have to check out one day.

We walked straight from dinner to the Baby Gee bar, where I abstained but Jess ordered the most disgusting drink I have every tasted in my entire life. I would not have even tasted it had I know that it was made with a RAW EGG. YUCK! I thought I was going to make sick right on the table. She swears that she liked it, and god love her, she drank the entire thing, but Meg and I know she did not read the ingredients before picking that drink. Egg whites are hard enough for me to get my head around. A whole egg? Yack! The whole thing was egg yellow even! That said, the ambiance of the place was pretty cool, and I did dig the vibe. I was just laughing so hard about Jess’s order that I couldn’t much pay attention to anything else.

From Baby Gee’s it was straight on to The Stache, which is definitely the coolest bar in Long Beach. Now this place had UNION vibes! There was a large projector in one corner playing Friday and another screen mounted on the other side of the bar playing Baywatch. We somehow found out it was karaoke night at 9 p.m. and decided to swing on back later.

One of my favorite moments of J-Row’s visit was when we went to watch the sun set over the beach, so I definitely wanted to treat the gang to the same experience.

After closing our tab at The Stache we walked back to Alamitos Beach. On the downside, it was slightly overcast, so the colors did not pop the way they usually do on a summer night. On the very upside — we all got ice cream!

This was another Long Beach first for me that I’ve been waiting oh so very long for! I’ve wanted to grab an ice cream on the beach for ages, and it was even more special to do so with friends! Of all the places we went and of all the things we did, I think this is one of the most special memories made. And Megan agreed! It was on her top five! (Just like seeing me nakey.) I also just really love this photo set. I feel like some of my best photos in life feature Megan.

But even though it was cloudy, we still saw some cool stuff! We could view the Queen Mary from the beach, and as it got darker we spotted some fireworks at the pier.

We walked up and down the beach for awhile, enjoying the gentle ebb and flow of the tide. It was an entirely different vibe from the crashing waves at Thousand Steps, but they were the waves that remind me of home. ❤️ (And I just LOVE this photo of me and Jess.)

After the beach we quickly popped over to the Airbnb so that Jess could change clothes, then we were back to The Stache for karaoke night, BABY!! We even saw the bartender from earlier in the crowd.

Now, I’m not usually one to jump at karaoke. I love to watch it, I’m just not much of a performer unless I am very drunk or part of a very large group. But I love that Yontz loves to perform in front of a crowd so much that he will sign up to sing in front of a group of strangers in a strange city! It’s a passion and a talent that won’t be contained! And it was just a particularly fun suggestion for a night out. (And as a bonus — super convenient to our Airbnb.)

Now, I did have some drinks this go-around. Partially out of fear that I was going to get roped into singing, and partially because I just wanted a vodka tonic. I sat around and sipped my drink while Adami and Meg made friends with a local “from New York” named Andy, and Yontz absolutely KILLED IT on the karaoke mic! He performed Escape (The Pina Colada Song) and Kickapoo by Tenacious D, which the crowd absolutely lost it over. He had a group of back up dancers making a heavy metal hand chain four or five people long! Yontz definitely knows how to work a crowd! If he lived here he would be the star of local karaoke night, for sure!

It was an absolutely stellar way to end the night. I don’t hang out at the bars too much these days, but I definitely saw some potential for friendship here. Even if there were a couple of weirdos looking Jess and Megan’s way.

Yontz left the crowd wanting more and walked out to thunderous applause. We made it back to the Airbnb and all stayed up super late laughing and talking through our incredible night. We’d packed so much fun into four days, and we still had a whole day in Hollywood to look forward to!

Adami and I were the last ones standing and had some nice one-on-one time together at the very end of the night. The private chats really meant the world to me, and I think we had both been needing it for a long while. I’m glad we had some quiet moments together at the end of each night.

She walked me to my car and I drove home with big plans for our trip to LA the next day.

Monday, July 20: Hollywood

Monday was the last full day of our trip — booooo! But we were determined to make it one of the best yet. No time for pouting and being sad in California! We had more memories to make!

As per usual, I headed over once I heard the group was up and moving, but this time I had to make a brief stop by Target to pick up some aloe for Meg and a hair brush for Jess. Since I was already there, I got a coffee as well, which I needed for the drive into LA. (I meant to get a coffee before driving into Laguna the day before and forgot, and I wished I had it the entire time. Well, the driving parts.)

We hit the the road for Hollywood in the a.m., and our first stop was the Griffith Observatory, so the gang could get a good view of the Hollywood sign and the LA skyline. I’d hiked to the Hollywood sign, but I’d never been to the Observatory, so this was another first for me as well! The main building was closed for the day, but the views sure weren’t! It was quite a huff from our parking spot along the road to the top of the hill, and our legs were still pretty sore from Thousand Steps, but we made it!

And lordy, lordy — what a view! I could have sat around and stared that that city skyline all dang day! We took plenty of photos in front of the scenic city views and a bunch more in front of the Hollywood sign. (It’s very tiny in the background, but you can see it. There was a path that would take us a bit closer, but I wasn’t quite sure where it was, and we’d already done a ton of hiking/walking this week, with more planned.) We also took photos with the iconic angel wings at the top of the hill, but I wanted to be an angel of death. Or like…Mothman!

I also learned from a plaque below a bust of James Dean’s head that “key scenes from the classic motion picture Rebel Without a Cause were filmed at Griffith Observatory in Spring 1955. Although many movies have been filmed at Griffith Observatory, Rebel Without a Cause was the first to portray the Observatory as what it is and to contribute positively to the Observatory’s international reputation.” So that’s cool! I just love James Dean. Old Hollywood is so romantic, and I always feel it close when looking at the Hollywood sign.

I hadn’t had any sort of breakfast yet, and by the time we hiked back down to my car, we were all pretty hungry. I was going to take everyone to El Coyote, since that had some Hollywood history linked to the Manson murders, but it was closed on Mondays. Yontz suggested that we pivot to another famous Hollywood restaurant — Formosa Cafe.

According to information I found online, the spot began in 1925 as the Red Post Cafe, built around a 1904 Pacific Electric trolley car, and became the Formosa in the 1940s. Its location across from the old Samuel Goldwyn studio made it a favorite spot for actors and film crews, and regulars reportedly included Humphrey Bogart, Frank Sinatra, Ava Gardner, John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley. And now us!

Now, we’d visited some pretty cool restaurants this week, but this vibe was IT! It literally felt like we had stepped into the past. Lots of dark reds with gold embossing. The walls were lined with photos and autographs spanning the golden age of Old Hollywood. It felt authentic, and it was truly like being sat in another time. And I kept thinking, “I wonder if Frank Sinatra sat here? Or James Dean? or Elvis?” (My mom would LOVE for it to be Elvis.) And we didn’t get to sit in the train car, but I walked right by it to use the restroom, and it was also cool and classic.

The restaurant was family style…kinda. Nothing on the menu seemed like a full meal, but there were a ton of small plates. It made ordering a bit difficult, but I ended up getting the tofu lettuce wraps with red peppers, and it was absolutely delicious! (I assembled them myself!) I also ordered a drink called a John Wayne’s Hat. It was cool because when I took the lid off, smoke poured out of it. (We couldn’t get the photo in time.) I just ordered it because it sounded fun. It was okay, but Megan’s was better. Megan ordered all the best drinks this trip. (But at least mine wasn’t as sicko as Jess’s egg drink. 🤮) Poor Megan as the only one who ended up with actual family size servings. They brought her out enough fried rice and kung pao Brussels sprouts to feed half of Old Hollywood. We tried to bring home the left overs, but it ended up just making the car smell really strongly of Brussels sprouts.

From the Chinese restaurant we headed to Hollywood Boulevard for the Walk of Fame. I didn’t want to deal with parking, so I just pulled into a parking garage. It ended up being pretty expensive, but I think it was ultimately worth it, to cut back on the hassle of parking in the heart of downtown Los Angeles. And Long Beach has free on street parking everywhere, so we could splurge on one spot. (Can you tell I’m still trying to talk myself down after paying $27 to park for two hours? 🤣)

We jumped onto the Walk of Fame right near Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, which is the place with the celebrity hand and footprints. It was blocked off for a premiere, but we still got to check it out from the sidelines. The Walk of Fame is your typical tourist fair, but we wandered the strip for a bit, checking out celebrity stars, the Netflix store, and a wax Vin Diesel that reminded us of Thomas. (Not physically. Thomas and Yontz just really liked his one song.) Also, there was a man selling MAGA hats near the Trump star, and I flipped one of his hats over and he yelled at me. That’s all he did though. Oh, and Jess took a pamphlet from a Scientologist and they tried to get her.

But the real highlight of our trip to Hollywood Boulevard was definitely getting tatted with my boy Yontzy!!

We’d been talking about it and planning for it for months and months, so I was surprised that Yontz and I were the only ones who were down to clown, but we were all in! As we were walking down the Hollywood Walk of Fame I saw a sign for $50 flash tattoos and pulled us right on over! (I figured if I could get Yontz through the door, I could get him to the chair, and I was right.)

We wanted a Joshua tree with a UFO to commemorate our time in the national park. (As if we could ever forget!) The guy had flash art of a Joshua tree, but was willing to work with us on the design. At our request he swapped out the sunset for a tiny spaceship, and it was absolutely perfect. (Well, we thought it was perfect. Megan said she wasn’t really feeling it, because line tattoos aren’t her bag, baby.)

But it was a really special moment for me and Yontz, and I think deep down I liked that it was just for us. Because now it’s just us two that have them, forever and ever. And Yontz had so many firsts this trip too! First time in the desert, first drag show, first tattoo! Yontz even said that the tattoo was his number one thing for this trip, which made my heart buzz with happiness. And he was so brave too! He only looked a little scared, at the very beginning.

Yontz went first, and then I followed. Pikl aka “Sweet Pea” was our artist, and he was super chill and laid back. Tattoo artists are often some of my favorite people to vibe with, so it was fun chatting him up while we got tatted. And his co-worker kept trying to convince Jess and Meg to join us, but they managed to hold out. (Even though I think they almost got Megan.) Dude was really convincing.

After walking back to my car with our fresh tats, the gang headed on over the Venice Beach, which was our last stop on the Hollywood tour. We found a (free) parking spot right by the beach and walked up the coast to the Santa Monica pier.

This was my second time at the Santa Monica Pier, but when I came with J-Row it was nighttime. It always has a carnival like atmosphere, but it’s definitely a different vibe during the day.

We grabbed some great photos while walking up and down the pier, and I even took the gang down to the fishing docks, so they could see the beach from the ocean. (That got a little too real, too quick though, because I really did not like seeing the actual fishing part of it. It made me feel so sad and a little sick. My father would be ashamed.)

Another highlight of the pier was playing a carnival game, which J-Row and I did NOT do while he was here! We decided to do the four-person water shooting game, because the deck was kind of stacked in our favor. Between the four of us, we knew one of us was going to take home the prize. Of course, Yontz won. (He’d actually gotten onto his knees into a proper shooting stance, so he deserved it.) He picked a Grateful Dead looking gnome guy and told me to hang on to it until J-Row comes to visit. We named him Justin Willow Row. (But J-Row says that no way will he have room to take him home. He already doesn’t know what to do about his banjo!)

At this point it was approaching sunset, so we decided to buy tickets for the Ferris wheel and grab a drink at Patio 66 while we waited for the sun to drop in the sky. (I didn’t have a drink, just water, because I still had the longish drive back to Long Beach.) It was another open air bar, right by the beach, so it another great spot to sit and hang with the homies. And rest my poor feets! Our dogs were a barking!

We wanted to be on the Ferris wheel right at sunset so that we could make the absolutest most of the view, so we got in line right before 8 p.m. Our timing could not have been any more perfect, because we were in the air just as the sun was dropping below the crest of the ocean. Again — when I rode with J-Row it was at night. It was really cool to see the glow of the city lights, but it was just as beautiful watching the sun set on the waves. It was the best view, with my best friends.

And also, Yontz was very scared, but very brave. He didn’t tell us that he had a problem with heights until he was on the ride! And I’d say that we couldn’t even tell, but we could. But he was a very good sport! (I was going to rock the cart, but I figured I better not.)

We had about a 45-50 minute drive back to Long Beach, so we walked back along the Venice Beach coast to my car as soon as exited the Ferris Wheel. Would you just look at this view of the pier from the beach? UGH. All other cities can eat their heart out. I’m so proud to call this place home, and I’m so happy and so grateful that I get to share it with my friends. Seeing the love on their faces made me love it even more.

We stopped by In-N-Out on the way back to our Airbnb, because I’m pretty sure that’s a rule when you visit California. I think I’ve only been there once when friends weren’t in town, but it’s always a staple. I just got some fries, animal style, but Megan got a grilled cheese, and I think Yontz went for a double double. I nearly got a chocolate milkshake as well, but I figured that might not mix well if I decided to have an alcohol later. (Which I did, because we stopped for booze right after this.)

Back at the Airbnb we shared our top five favorite moments from the trip while we ate, then expanded into our top five bars, top five people met, etc. Our lists were very similar, but it was so nice to think back on all the fun and excitement of the past five days, and laugh at our inside jokes all over again. It was our last night, but it was a real special moment for me.

After food we poured some drinks and the gang started to pack up, which is always the saddest time. I sat up with them while they did, and ended up spending another late night alone with Adami. She walked me to my car, I drove her to the Airbnb, and we said our goodnights but not our goodbyes. We weren’t ready for that yet.

Tuesday, July 21: Departure Day

Tuesday was the only day of the trip I didn’t like, because that was the day all my friends were leaving me to return to Athens. That said — we might only have had two hours, but I was determined to make the most of them!

I drove over at 7 a.m. with a steaming hot bag of breakfast sandwiches from East Coast Bagels. (Their eggies weren’t nearly as good as Yontzy’s, but they still hit the spot!) We ate while the gang finished up their last minute packing and hit the road around 8 a.m. Our last meal together! (Until next time.)

Traffic was pretty bad getting into LAX and we got a bit turned around right at the airport, but the group got past security super fast and made it to their gate with time to spare. I managed to keep from crying until the drive home, but I definitely got a little weepy once I was alone in my car.

I am sure going to miss them something crazy, but I’m so grateful for the incredible five days that we got to spend together. I’m going to hold these memories close to my heart, until I can get my arms around them again. Adami and Yontz are already talking about moving out here, and Meg has her eyes on Portland, so I have high hopes that I’ll see them sooner than later. ❤️

“Count your age by friends not years. count your life by smiles not tears.”

— John Lennon