Doc Hop

“Doctor, doctor — give me the news.” 🩺
“She’s got a bad case of runny poos!” 🤮💩

Lemon did. Not me.

I kid, but only because I finally can. It has been a hell of a week in the Hopkins household, but I think we’ve finally achieved homeostasis. After two trips to the vet, a new patient visit with a primary care physician, and four rounds of bloodwork, we’re all healthy and happy once again.

Lemon started showing signs of sickness on Saturday night. As I was getting ready to head out to a movie I noticed the first of MANY sloppy poos on my living room rug, and upon returning I found a few more. By Sunday she was vomiting up what looked like black leaves and/or dirt, and her poops were so bloody that they took on a thick, tar-like consistency. My poor girl was exploding from both ends, dehydrated, and completely lethargic.

What’s worse, I couldn’t get any nutrients to stay in her system. Lemon would drink water, but she would not eat anything. I picked up and prepared a chicken breast but could not get her to take so much as a bite. This doggo is extremely food motivated, so all this stood as further proof that something was seriously wrong. The copious volume of poop and puke flowing from her being the first.

I called every vet that was open on a Sunday, all of which were full or accepting walk-ins on an as-needed basis. I was positive that she had eaten something she shouldn’t have, but for the life of me I could not (and still cannot) figure out what it was. I try to watch her like a hawk, but she obviously snuck something past me.

I was able to get Lemon to the urgent care on Monday, where an X-ray and bloodwork indicated that her gastrointestinal issues were likely the result of bacteria rather than a foreign object. While this ruled out the need for emergency surgery, my girl was extremely dehydrated and in need of antibiotics and anti-nausea medication.

Given her level of dehydration, I was not able to take Lemon immediately home with me. Despite not being a 24-hour facility, the vet held on to her until about 9:30 that night so that she could have more time with the IV. That night they sent her home with two medications and warned that if she didn’t eat or continued to vomit I would have to bring her back for an extended stay the next day.

I am extremely happy to report that an extended stay was not necessary. My girl woke up on Tuesday morning with an appetite and a fiery reluctance to taking her medicine. She has only gotten stronger since, and I am confident in reporting that she’s finally back at 100 percent.

But Lemon was not the only one who had to go to the vet this week. Woodward and Bernstein had their annual wellness visits and shots scheduled for Tuesday as well. (Isn’t that how it always happens with timing? When it rains, it pours.) My butt was back at the vet’s office on Tuesday — this time the Belmont Shore Veterinary Hospital, where I intend to take the brood for their yearly exams and dental cleanings.

The vet saw the boys at the same time, which was great for me. It made for a longer appointment, but I’d much rather make one trip than two. (The hardest part was being patient while my girl was at home recovering.)

Woody and Bernie received their yearly vaccinations and rabies shots, and everything in their bloodwork looked “unremarkable,” which is exactly what I wanted/needed to hear. The vet recommended a dental cleaning within the next six months or so and sent us on our way with half a year’s worth of flea and heartworm prevention. The doctors weren’t able to get a fecal sample, so they also sent me home with two plastic poo containers for later lab work. I’m supposed to collect and return pieces of the boys’ stool at my earliest convenience. I’ll be happy not to think about shit for a long while.

Between my girl’s trip to the urgent care and the boys’ routine check up, I heard my bank account release an audible sign when I paid the bill. I’m crossing my fingers that this was our last trip to the vet (outside of teeth cleanings) until Lemon’s annual shots in May. (God willing and the creek don’t rise.)

But the fur babies were not alone in their suffering. I, too, had to detour to the doctor this week, to establish service with a primary care physician and a dermatologist here in Long Beach. I don’t like to go to the doctor any more than the pets do, so the past couple of days have been pretty miserable for each of us. Luckily I have a pretty dope health insurance plan to cover most of my expenses. (Suck it, JO’s.)

I had an appointment with my new primary care provider this morning, followed by a blood draw and some basic lab work. I don’t have the results from my labs yet, but assuming everything looks normal, I should be set until next year. Which is amazing, because I really fucking hate going to the doctor, even in Long Beach. That said, all of the medical practitioners I saw were very friendly and made me feel comfortable despite my discomfort.

I have an appointment with a dermatologist set for tomorrow as well. It’s also just a visit to establish care and update my prescriptions, so I hopefully I will not have too much to report there. As much as I hate dealing with medical stuff, I’m glad that I was able to get everything taken care of this week.

But I’m telling ya — I feel as pooped as Lemon’s butt! I am dog tired, and I cannot wait to put my feet up and screen some spooky movies this weekend. I have quite a bit of grading to catch up on from earlier in the week, but it won’t be so bad with a healthy, happy pupper on my lap!